"Microwaves are like winter coats. They warm quickly, people never clean them, and they look ugly after a year".
On Subway: "I once asked a Subway guy, "Is that a piece of chicken or a really old piece of ham?"" .... "I had to hire a witch doctor to get the "Five Dollar Footlong" (Subway) jingle out of my head."
On Valentine's chocolates: "I've never eaten any chocolate out of those big red hearts with any confidence. I always think, This could either be really good or totally nasty, but I'm just pig enough to find out. I usually get the piece filled with the pink toothpaste".
